MCLC: Li Cheng'en poem (2)

[Denton, Kirk]

MCLC LIST
From: Martin Winter <dujuan99 at gmail.com>
Subject: Li Cheng'en poem (2)
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Thank you all for the feedback off list and here!

I have copied the original poem in a different version and changed my
translation accordingly. You can see it here:

http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_68d111990101luii.html

My translation was originally based on the picture version sent around
on Tencent Weibo and Sina Weibo as part of Yi Sha's regular New Century
Poetry Canon. Li Cheng'en has since told me about a mistake in the
copying process. In the Weibo image "warmth" or literally body warmth
occurs twice. Li Cheng'en says it should be "eyes" instead of warmth the
first time. So originally I had "I give my warmth to the sun and the
moon. When I need it, please give it back!" I like both versions.
Somehow I'm glad about the mistake. Makes for closer attention.

In German, I first had "ich borg' meine wärme der sonne dem mond - wenn
ich sie brauche, gebt mir's zurück!".

I am still not sure about how to translate all these "ba-construction" -
verses in German. Now they sound stranger than before, but this is how I
had them first. The German equivalents of "please give it back" or
"please give them back" sound very colloquial. It's not standard
grammar. Some people don't like that. Maybe I'll find a better version
later.

Thanks again!

Martin