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<DIV>I wanted to reprint this in the “Virginia Woolf Bulletin”, but my
colleagues wouldn’t let me.</DIV>
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<DIV>“. . . the old carpet sweeper . . . three pieces . . . all in bits . . .
what on earth did we ever buy that for . . . if i shut my eyes i can see
kingscrossstation . . . i wonder why that is . . . somebody told me once . . . i
must think . . . no time to think . . . through the trapdoor i can see janet
with the featherduster but if i shut my eyes i can see kingscrossstation . . .
hullo janet there you are . . . hullo mum there you are now then janet ive
spokentoyouaboutthatbefore . . . let us throw all these things out of the
skylight . . . but not that or these and certainly not that i bought it the year
freddie felldownthestairs mrs henry tuddy . . . mrs henry tuddy . . .oh yes i
remember now the woman with the arms . . . if i shut my eyes now i can see mrs
tuddys arms . . . what exceptionally fine arms mrs tuddy had . . . the boxes
might come in useful janet . . . i said the boxes might come in yes in . . .
idiot the girl is . . . i wonder what she did to have suchveryfinearms . . . no
janet i said these things in this trunk look like somethingorother palms . . .
palms . . . PALMS . . . why mum they look more to me like your old fur coat . .
. that is exactly what they are janet . . . dear mrs tuddy . . . i have been
wondering all day . . .”</DIV>
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<DIV>From “The British Character Studied and Revealed” (London: Collins, 1951
[1938]), 58. ‘Pont’ was the pen-name of Graham Laidler (1908-1940), Punch
cartoonist. According to Judy Giles and Tim Middleton, who reprinted this
piece, the ‘unintelligibility ascribed to much modern writing is captured in
Pont’s wonderful satire of the kind of prose to be found in the short stories of
Katherine Manfield or the novels of Virginia Woolf’, “Writing Englishness,
1900-1950: An Introductory Sourcebook on National Identity” (London & NY:
Routledge, 1995), 151. </DIV>
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<DIV>Stuart </DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV></BODY></HTML>